Having raised 2 beautiful, smart daughters, I recall the very many times I've told them: "Never go out alone. Stay in groups of 3 or more. Never put your drink down anywhere and if you do, leave it. Never leave any social event with any guy, even if he is the cutest, sweetest guy there...so was Ted Bundy...so they say. Have a pact with your gfs to never leave with a guy/thus leaving someone behind to fend for themselves. If your housemate has a guy over, lock your bedroom door." The list goes on and on. I also have a son. The line we say the most to him is: "Don't be THAT guy." Often stated when we see some jackass being disrespectful to a woman, whether it's his mother, sister, girlfriend, wife, daughter or a stranger. Don't be THAT guy. Be our son, brother, friend, champion. So far so good. What are you telling your sons?
Yes All Women and Ed-Tech
A Response to Ariel Norling's Story
What Ever Happened to Female Self-Esteem?
ReplyDeleteI clicked on Ariel Norling's blog, so that I could read it before reading your (Gail Dandelske’s) commentary, but it was already deleted. Once again, I totally agree with what you are saying. I remember being out with my friends - so many years ago that it wasn't an issue to leave a drink unattended - but It still felt safer being out with a group of guys and girls rather than out there looking for someone. Your “HOT or NOT” statement really struck a chord with me. Unfortunately it was drilled in to me, from the time I became a teen (to the present, I might add) that if I could lose a couple of pounds, I’d be a knockout. Sad that it affects the way I think of myself even today.
Beyond all of that; I am the mother of three grown sons and from the very beginning, I felt that it was my responsibility to raise those little boys up into kind, caring, respectful men. A man like their father is. It was my mission in life to raise up good husbands. That was my supreme calling. Yes, I worked and I had friends, my husband was a career Navy Submariner so I was parenting alone quite a bit and our third son is autistic. I could go on. My point is that it was not an easy job, but it was a necessary job, an honorable job. While I look at all three of my sons, today, when I see how they interact with other people, how they offer to help others without being asked, how they go the extra mile with no thought of recompense; this is when I know that I have done my job well. There are millions of mothers that have done the same job as you and I have; we know this because we do see some pretty wonderful guys out there. But you are very wise to have forewarned your daughters not to trust so easily because not everything is as it seems.
Do you think that it is a young woman’s poor self-esteem that would put her into a dangerous predicament? For example – She doesn’t think she’s good enough for anyone and suddenly someone is lavishing attention upon her, so she gets caught up in the flattery and goes with him.
I find it difficult to believe that not being educated on the subject could be the problem; there are PSAs on television, school skits and especially what we see and hear on the News. Horrible things happen to girls that come from perfectly ‘normal’ families, so we cannot always say ‘she’s following in her mother’s footsteps’. There are some who get caught up in a maelstrom they are not strong enough or unable to work themselves out of; embarrassed to ask for help. Others who fall through the cracks.
I might be straying from the focus of the discussion here, because unfortunately I did not get to read the blog that started this. I just saw the incredible reading of a poem online, just yesterday. If I can locate it, I will post it here.
Thanks for listening, Karen
KAH
05June2014